It all started when I found myself looking at the acceptance email that I have received just after I woke up from a twelve hour sleep. Most people get so excited when they see this acceptance letter, but for me, I was still half asleep when I saw my acceptance letter to RPI. I dragged myself off of the chair and walked out of my room to announce to my family that I was accepted to RPI. Like most Asian parents, my mom screamed with joy when she heard the news, and my dad started to call everyone that he knew, telling everyone that his son was accepted to one of the most prestigious school in US. I, of course, was happy, but for some reason, I did not scream nor did I bounce up and down with joy.
I felt…..empty.
Fast forward few months, I was standing in front of my university freshmen dorm, with my mom next to me. She was more excited than I was. Yes, I was excited, but not that much.
For years all I wanted to do was to live by myself, far away from my parents. Now it was happening. I was living 3000 miles apart from my family, alone. I never realized how depressing it was, moving from a country where I was the majority to a country where I am the minority. I felt pressured. I felt weak for the first time in my life. For the first time in my life, I was feeling depressed.
Depressed might not cover all of the emotions I felt during my first week of living here in the states. It was the first time in my life where I started to feel emotions that I have never felt before: despair, depression, sorrow, guilt. I became more reserved then I used to and for the first time in my life, I was happy to hear my mom’s voice over the phone. For the first time in my life, I talked to my mom over the phone for over ten minutes. For the first time in my life, I felt safe. For the first time in my life, I was smiling while talking on the phone with my mom.
Being alone might not be that bad after all….
My Memories 