Few days ago, I started to feel as if something big inside me just got pulled out. It did not feel good at all. That “big thing” went out, and nothing filled that space up. I don’t know what that “big thing” is but it was something huge. Now I feel empty, weak, and hopeless without it.
I thought it was because I did not have a girlfriend, or because I was on a diet and that “big thing” was just a side effect of being alone for too long or being stressed about the diet.
I tried playing games, smoking cigs, eating things that I liked…but nothing seem to work. This “big thing” was bigger than just simple cravings. It was as if asking me to find the thing that I would love or die to do.
But I don’t know what I would love or die to do. I know there are stuff that I would like to do, such as eating or buying useless things on the internet. But these stuff does not solve my “big thing” problem.
Working out seemed to limit my feelings towards the lost of “big thing”. While working out, I would only focus on one thing: lifting weights. I would just keep on lifting weights with my workout buddy until I was out of breathe and could not even lift a finger. But after a good hot shower, that empty feeling would hit me again.
Hating that feeling, I would go out to see my friends. I would laugh with them, play with them, eat with them, swear with them, cry with them….I did everything with them and only during that time would I not even think about the empty feeling I had.
Hmmmm could it be…
I was not sure, but could it be that this empty feeling that I am getting could be because I was homesick?
No!! That can’t be…I am never homesick. I am NEVER homesick…..
Then…what could it be……
My Memories 